Another journey to the Integratron

This weekend, I went out to the desert for a sound bath. My friend and I like to do this at least every couple of months. The sound bath is only a half hour but we both sort of enjoy the ride out the I10 to get there. We listen to music, chat about what has been going on in our lives and soak in the desert landscape.

This weekend was especially interesting. On Saturday, L.A. was pretty much shrouded in clouds and overcast. Most of the drive east, the sky was grey. We listened to Pink Martini and some covers of music from the late 40s and early 50s. It seemed to go well with the landscape, somehow. Then, as we passed Baeaumont, the sky suddenly cleared. It was blue and mostly cloudless. The sudden change was almost magical, as if the lands ruled over by the influence of the sea were giving up to the desert. A line had been crossed.

At our destination, it was at least 80 degrees, bright sun but there was also a breeze. In fact, it was very windy around the Palm Springs area, and I had to keep my hands firmly on the steering wheel.

After the sound bath, we wandered around the site a bit. I took some photographs using my old 1940s Soviet made rangefinder camera. It actually takes pretty nice shots.

As we journeyed back to L.A., my friend had me make a detour at Donut Man in Glendora. It is a somewhat historical place along Route 66. They are famous for their strawberry donuts. I must admit, they are very good. We also stopped by a small candy shop located at a candy factory. They had chocolates and fudge, freshly made and about half the price you would pay at most other establishments. Again, the product was incredible. I joked with my friend that this would not have been a trip for diabetics.

I got home and lazed around a bit. I was actually a bit beat from all of the driving.

A little off the top

As I was getting my hair cut, I looked down at the hair that had fallen from my head and onto the plastic apron. I could see an occasional grey hair mixed in with the dark brown hair and found myself feeling depressed. Things like that have a way of triggering emotions in me. I guess it was just a reminder.

Soon, I found myself tumbling down that slippery slope of depression, thinking about lost opportunities, failed relationships and friendships, and people I have known who are dead. How often I conveniently forget how many years have gone by in life. I find aging to be quite scary. At times, I can shrug it off with a little humor. On my birthday, I may tell someone that my hand is blinking red, an alluding to the old sci-fi story, “Logan’s Run” where people are not allowed to live past their late 20s. Other times, no matter how hard I try, the subject of aging depresses me.

I recall, while studying psychology, that Jung described various stages of life. I remember that one of the later stages was defined as this period when a person accepts they will not be able to accomplish all of their goals and dreams and learn to accept this, enjoying what they have accomplished. It made me feel kind of sad hearing this when I was in my late 20s but now it seems even more depressing.

I suppose I should be glad that I still have hair.

Dating profiles

Sometimes I look at profiles either on this site or other sites and, while interested in someone, often find myself less than enthusiastic about responding. It is not because of the person's profile as it is my own interpretation of what they are seeking.

When I see terms like "successful" and "sophisticated" as descriptors of the a desired mate, I find myself mulling over whether I could seriously apply those terms to myself. I often think that writers of profiles imagine successful as a shiny Mercedes, $1,000 suits, huge homes and an important sounding job. I picture sophisticated as hanging out at posh clubs, talking way to loud and wearing one of those ridiculous blinking buetooth things on your ear.

The point is that I don't feel I fall into that category. I have my home, drive a dependable car, pay the credit card off each month and still use an old cell phone without bluetooth. I have suits but they are nice and not super expensive and I would much rather be on a hilltop looking up at stars rather than sitting in a noisy nightclub hoping for a glimpse of the other kind of star.

I suppose I have rambled, as I often do. I guess I am just saying that most of the time, I figure that I do not qualify when I see those listed criteria. It is probably something of an esteem issue if you want to get into the psychology nitty-gritty but, regardless of the label, it happens to be how I react.

Does any of this matter? I don't know. It just happened to be rolling around in my head tonight.

Odd dream last night

I was traveling in some European country, possibly England. It was more the impression than any outward signs that lead me to that conclusion. I and several others were on some sort of challenge or contest involving answering trivia questions concerning the Statue of Liberty. I recall going into one place and having to answer trivia questions. At another location, there was this odd line drawing of the Statue of Liberty with certain features missing. We had to fill in the features, rather like the connect the dot pictures from childhood.

A need for control

Today, I happened to be at a location where there were several small horse ranches in the area. The horses were very well maintained and looked like something you would see in a movie…they probably are used in the movies, come to think of it.

Anyway, I realized that I have never ridden a horse. I like the idea of riding a horse, the romance of it, imagining myself a character in Lord of the Rings or something and setting off upon a quest with my faithful steed. Then reality sets in and I realize that I am somewhat afraid of travel on something that has a mind of its own.

I like that little bit of control or at least the illusion of it because, come on now, how in control are we really when our automobiles are flying down the road at 80 miles per hour. We are all just a broken bolt away from disaster. Still, a car doesn’t think for its self and it has brakes.

I like brakes. More “brakes” means less bones “breaking”. That is perhaps why I do not care for rollerblades but do enjoy bikes. This is not to say that I have not made some rash or dangerous choices over the years.

I recall riding a racing bike in Palos Verdes on a horribly foggy morning, coming down a hill going 40 miles per hour and realizing that I can not see two feet in front of me. If I had collided with something, I am certain that I would have been instantly transformed from three dimensional to two dimensional in mere nanoseconds.

On another occasion, while hiking in Eaton Canyon, I went past a turnoff for a path I wished to take and ended up a good distance away from my intended location. I saw that the trail I wanted was below the trail I was walking. I looked down and thought that the cliff face to the lower trail was not that much of a climb and with an abundance of foot and hand holds. Unfortunately, once I got started, the cliff seemed a great deal steeper than I remembered and the distance felt as if it had almost doubled. For a moment, I felt a bit afraid. I also began to think of how embarrassing it would be if some rescue copter had to come and save me. Fortunately, I was able to boost myself back up to the trail above me. I then doubled back.

I am not sure why all of this came to mind today.

This morning

I woke up before dawn this morning. It was very clear, no wind. There was a crescent moon shining brightly. The planet mars shone a deep red a few degrees from the moon's lower limb. A bit of a distance away, and closer to the horizon, was the planet Venus shining brightly despite the coming dawn.

It was a beautiful sight and brought me that brief moment of quiet and inner peace that the world around me seldom provides. No wonder I am always walking around, looking at the sky or what is on the horizon. Sometimes, I wish there was something worth focusing on in front of me.

Observations

-Waiting to put sugar and cream in coffee at Starbucks. Older woman would not pick up any of the condiments, including the sugar packs with her bare hands. I didn’t follow her to find out if she uses a napkin or cloth before opening and closing her car door.

-Too many people holding cell phones to their ear and oblivious to the world around them (even more than me and that is saying something). I think people should be forced to have their cell phone glued to their head. It has to stick there permanently, like the Scarlet Letter or something.

-It is interesting how, at work, people always say that you should volunteer or be a go-getter and take the bull by the horns. So, why is it that whenever I see people doing that, they always get screwed or told that they are doubling work effort or ignoring proper channels? Our society is so schizophrenogenic. No wonder I feel so confused and tired at the end of each day. I wish I didn’t feel and I often wish I didn’t think. I would probably make a good alcoholic if I actually liked drinking and didn’t have a bad stomach.